Cant believe all this !!!!

Just last week i paid a tribute to my nani thru the blog.And i cant believe, the time has come for a second tribute.This time to my maasi............

How does it happen, why did it happen,why her,why so soon are few of the ques troubling my mind.................

U know i had heard God takes away good human beings first and then the bad ones. That must be true in my maasi's case........

Kahaan se shuru karu.....

She was a lot like my nani. Common points for the both of them......

She loved travelling, going to various places, meeting people, making new friends, going to relatives houses, enjoying in groups. She's the most enthusiastic person i have ever met."Haushi" is a word in marathi which every1 calls her.It means "will to do and try everything in life".

Whenever i m not well, i hate to get up from my bed.She was not like that. Even when she was in so much pain, she would never miss a function/wedding.

She loved people and people loved her.She was a favourite among all.Jaan of all get-togethers.I have learnt how to enjoy from her.I have travelled a lot with her.I used to go to many of our relatives places with her.......

She loved to cook.She would try out various recipes and get it for us whenever she came to our place.Kaakdi-dhonus, rawa ladu,various kings of wadis and puran poli.

She loved to stitch.She stitched all her dresses, blouses. She would stitch dresses and frocks for us when we small.She has done lots of other things too- cloth painting, batic, embroidery and what not......

I have never ever visited a single doctor since i got chicken-pox in 5th standard.This was possible only bcoz she was a doctor.Any time anything happened to me, i would simply give her a call, tell her whats happening, she would tell me medicines and i would be fine. She was my family doctor sitting in alibag and without even looking at me, she would make me alrite.She was a doctor in RCF hospital in Alibag.

She was extremely adventurous-going trekking, climbing mountains.She used to take us on picnics whenever we went to alibag.

She was a champion of badminton.She loved swimming, tabletennis etc. She was also in NCC in college days.

She was very eager to learn new things.Various types of paintings and making creative things.

She was very religious as well-visiting temples wherever she went, having bhajan sessions at home.She was an expert at yoga.

She used to learn classical singing. Though she hated hindi film songs (new ones).Switch off the radio, she used to tell us in the car, while going anywhere.

She had a loud laugh. I can still hear it when i think of it.

She would never waste a single moment.Always doing something. Never ever lazing around.Never. Whether its cooking, stitching, if nothing else then going on a walk.

Over the years she has made so many friends, touched the life of so many people.There were so many people at her funeral. And a huge number of people who coludnt make it to alibag on that day.

And what ended this lively, enthusiastic, cheerful, fun-loving, ever-smiling, positive life on 28-02-08 was a deadly demon called cancer.How i hate this word!!!!

Your life is going normal,no problems at all and then suddenly everything stops. Your life becomes a life of visiting hospitals, taking treatments, medicines.Yet she took all this very positively.People who spoke to her on phone could not even make out, what pain she was going thru.She sounded so cheerful and normal.

Maasi - they call in hindi- maasi means maa jaisi.

I'll miss u shaila-pachi. But i'll always remember how to get the maximum out of the life that we have, which i have learnt from you.

I still cant believe she's gone.

Nani yaad dila dungi

Hey this statement is often said to threaten ppl in movies. Itna maaronga ki nani yaad aa jayegi..... God knows what's the connection.

Ppl forget their nanis and then remember them only when beaten up????

Or it could be that nani is the most loving person on earth and once beaten up, ppl need love & care and thats when they remember their nani.....

But today i wana write this post truly to remember and as a tribute to my nani who is no more with us ...

She had been staying with us for the past 9-10 years...

Before that we didnt know what it was to have a grandparent in the house.She and my dada-dadi used to come and stay with us but that was like guests.

Few days and years makes a whole lot of difference......

She is the most loving an caring person i have ever met. Always smiling.The most prettiest face ever. We had a chapter in our school. 10th standard probably...Phoolvedya maaeee....She always reminds me of that maaeee.The pleasant, loving, ever-smiling face.....

Always shielding us from the wrath of my mom.Whenver my mom was angry at me for something, she would say to her "Let it go, she'll not do it again"

She used to make awesome food. She taught me to do crochet, embroidery etc. We have loads of things in our house which she has made......

At a time when females used to only look after the house and kids, my naani was a director of sports at Elphinstone college.She used to teach in college....

She was of a very helping nature.Everybody who knew her will vouch for that.

She went through a lot of things. My nana's illness lasted for 15 years.She took care of him for that long without ever uttering a word of complain or irritation....

She fell down in July 07 and since then was bed-ridden. She was in a lot of pain for 7 months. So much pain that we couldn't bear to see her in pain....But she never uttered a word. Whenever we asked her, does it hurt she would say no, it's ok.There is a word in marathi for it....Sahansheelta. If anybody needs a definition of the word, they should have seen my nani.

She loved reading and watching tv. While she was in hospital she used to remember the characters on tv which used to amuse all doctors as well.

She was a favourite among all my maternal relatives and lots of her friends..... so much so that even her college friends were still in touch with her, till she went....

She used to be very amazed at new technology. Computers, mobiles etc were a fascination for her.Teach me how to operate them, she would say.......

Like all old people she would always get shocked at the prices of today...Hamaare zamaane me a ____ would cost ____ she would say.....

Towards the end she had memory lapses. she would forget our names....

When i used to ask her my name, she would say "u tell". Then i would say, "i know my name, u tell" Then she would say " i m old, i forget, i remember your name but still u say"Her memory lapses used to make us laugh. And she used to laugh at herself and say " u know how old i am"

There used to be a competition between me and my mama, whose name my nani will remember. Sometimes she obliged me and sometimes my mama won....

She loved cake and 7-up.Last few months she had to be fed everything. Once my mom planned to feed her cake. She went beside her, kept the plate of cake,then the phone rang and my mom went to pick it up.My nani couldn'y turn and move around but she had managed to eat up the entire piece on her own till my mom came back........

I can go on writing these cute incidents because there are many.....

The truth is, she was an integral part of our lives...

She was my mom's support system.....

Now that she's not there, there is an emptiness in the house. Whenever i go to her room, i still feel she is there.

She never gave any trouble to anybody in her entire lifetime of 87 years.Its sad she isnt there anymore but it's for her own good she's gone because we couldnt see her pain.

She died peacefully on 15-02-2008.Hope her soul rests in peace.

Mujhe nani yaad aa rahi hai........

Attachment & Change

Since the past few days i have been thinking about this word. "Attachment".......
Thers's also another one "change".......
Somehow these words have taken a new meaning in my life.
U get attached to a lot of things......
Especially me.....Very soon that tooo....
My mobile, my teddy, my books,my clothes,my pillow,my friends, my colleagues etc etc etc. The list is too long.
And then it is difficult to let go....
I have faced this problem since ages.....
I gave my old phone to my sis, but yet i feel its my own.
My friend, my neighbour of 17 years got married and went away. She started her new life and forgot about people she left behind. Now we are in touch. We talk on birthdays, anniversaries etc. In between we talk of how her office is and how my office is etc etc.
But the 17 years of sharing has ended.I can feel it.I dont blame her.To manage work with a new family, husband saas sasur etc is not an easy job, But i have lost out on a friend with whom i shared and cared.
Its difficult to let go...
I have lost touch with a friend whom i knew for 2 years.Good friend.But something somewhere went wrong. I lost there too.
When my manager left our office, i had tears in my eyes.Literally. Other ppl laughed at how naive i was.But I somehow idolised him (Though didnt work with him much). And i admired his way of working and wanted to learn so much from him.I couldnt let go.
Now i have left that office but i cant let go.....
I was speaking to a friend of mine from my old office the other day and just asking how is every1 else.Another friend came and said "baharwalon ko khabrein mat de" I knew he was joking. Thats the way he is always. But at that point those words stabbed me.I couldnt say a word. Just said bye and kept the phone.
Y did that word affect me so much.Its been 6-7 months, i left that place. But yet i have not been able to let go.......
Attachment is the word. Change is another.
Things change, feelings change, friends change, emotions change. But u cant remain attached to these.
U have to let go and move on....
I just wish all this wasnt so painful.....
Probably what people say is rite.
I am an emotional fool.
But cant separate this emotional me from myself.....
To be emotional is alrite.......
But u have to let go.....................

Dauda Dauda bhaga bhaga sa

Hey i am back after a long time.
Today i wana talk abt how this life ki bhagam bhag is getting to me.
From home to office, office to classes, classes to home.
Yeh hui weekdays ki kahani...
Weekends par classes, mock tests, main exams, functions, weddings, seminars,picnics,bank ka kaam,all things u cant do on weekdays and piled up for weekends,room saaf karo,movies jao.
Plus u have friends whom u haven't met for a long time.99% of my friends have been added to this list.Atleast 10% of them wana meet on weekends.
I just go on making a list of things i gotta do.
While i used to audit companies, i used to make a pending list and send it to the client daily.
I am planning to adopt the same practice in my daily life now.
Pending points as on....
Pretty soon i'll also have to start adding pending points like
1) Speak to mummy and pappa.
2) Call up sister at pune to ask if she's fine.
Probably the day is nearing.
And this is not the case only with me.
People all around the city are just running and running.
We have a marathon in our lives everyday.
Train,bus pakadni hai - bhago.
Whenever i stand in the queue at the bus-stop, i see people only running.
For the bus, for the train, rickshaw, taxi.And among all people running, if 1 person is walking slow, he gets pushed by each 1 behind him and finally after they r fedup of pushing, they give the final push and overtake.U just cant stroll when people are dying to get into the train.
I remember this song from Chachi 420 "Dauda dauda bhaga bhaga sa..."
Mumbai city never sleeps. It only runs.
There's a whole lot of people around me.Co-passengers, colleagues,friends, relatives,family, neighbours and not in any particular order.
But is bheed mein bhi tanhai hai.
Sounds poetic or hindi film songish.
But thats the truth.
There is no-one whom i can explain my inner-most feelings. I do share how i feel with my parents and few close friends.
But most of the times, they listen and start offering solutions.
Sometimes i dont need solutions, i just need a board where i can sound my feelings.
Just 1 patient ear.No arguments, no comforting, no pity,no happiness, no anger just plain listening.
But thats very difficult for any1 to do.Even for me.
As soon as you start hearing of a problem or a feeling, u immediately feel like offering some solution, some respite, some care.
But i do feel at times some1 should be there, in front of whom, u can just vent your emotions. Keeping them inside yourself is too bad. Pent-up feelings can cause problems.
But in this bhagam bhag where we hardly have any time to talk, who has the time to listen.
Hope to find such a person.
Anyway, too much of philosophy i guess.
Gotta get back to myself.
Bye to whoever reads this crap.
Tc.